I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
