All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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