I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
