i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
3pm strippers are depressing
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
