he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
