so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
