It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
