just tell him i said nine months
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize