He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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