LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
