living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
