i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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