just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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