Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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