I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
