you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
