Tell her she can't have a vagina
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
