So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
