Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
