I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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