If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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