is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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