So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
