I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
