Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
