I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
send nudes
from the living room?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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