the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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