You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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