oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
BRING THE BAGELS
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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