Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
