it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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