yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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