that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
