I think i sorta joined a cult last night
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
