After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
