i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
