I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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