How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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