rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
