1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
