If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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