It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
