That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
