from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
