Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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