your room smells of hookers.
And success
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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