I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize