I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
