i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
