I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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