Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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