Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There r osticjed everywhere
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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