I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
