you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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