why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
