If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
did i just pee glitter
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
