i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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