his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
