Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
