i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
