if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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