Porn is love you can see.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
