"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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