Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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