Please, let me fuck your mom
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
