I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
