I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
