Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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