"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
too bad you live with your parents still
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
