we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
