he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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