dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
