She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize