with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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