Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
