did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
