You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
